It was 1:00 AM and while walking on an empty street filled with unsettling roaring silence, he took a deep breath. He had tears lingering at the edge of his eyes and just like his emotions, the dreadful silence grew with every moment. He was holding a volcano of thoughts inside him which could have been exploded anytime with burst of tears. He was coming back from a wedding and he stopped by the roadside and started looking at a picture in his phone. The picture was from the same night wherein he was standing close to the bride. The bride looked vivacious and he was trying hard to smile and look normal. The girl, whose marriage he attended, was no other than the love of his life. It’s been two years he met this amazing girl and since that day he only wanted her to accept and love him.
She was different from all the other girls out there. At least for him. She was pursuing PhD and was a blend of beauty, intelligence, modern as well as traditional values. She acted differently and smartly in every situation. She was practical. She was simple and she never let her emotions overcome anything else.
He met her through a common friend and he loved interacting with her because in many ways they were identical. He was a man who used to get high on intelligent conversation, amazing music and delicious food. She was the one with whom he had the most quality and intelligent conversation. Her cookery skills were worth an applause too. They talked about their lives, sharing their deepest secrets and endless desires; their weaknesses and strengths. They suggested each other on their weaknesses and supported each other in good and bad times. Together they were complete. He didn’t fall in love with her. He grew in love. Her thoughts and ideologies provoked him to be a better person. They enjoyed late night conversations and their friends teased them for fun as everyone took them as a couple, but in reality they were just friends.
For him she was his love. He loved her more than anything else. All his life he wandered to find love. He was single throughout his life and this time it was different. This time even though he didn’t get commitment from her or she always took him as a friend, but he had already taken her as his girl. He read somewhere ‘The little space between Boy Friend and Boyfriend is called friend zoned’. Well may be he was friend zoned too. Maybe he was expecting too much. Maybe what she said was the truth. Their text conversation always used to end with him Saying ‘I Love You’ and she always replied with a smile emoticon. In a rare scenario she used to say ‘Love you’. Well, if you see that ‘I Love You’ and ‘Love You’ have very subtle difference, but not to him. For him ‘Love you’ was casual. For him ‘Love you’ can be said to friends, siblings, cousins. However, I love you indicated possession. The difference between I Love You and Love You was ‘I do’. Accepting her completely and emphasizing more on ‘I’ was his way of showing the love. But she never said ‘I love you’.
She always constrained herself from being closer. In moments of cuddle she knew when and where to stop herself. She was strong. He always wondered what she actually feels for him, but it was hard to read her. Despite being so close to him, why she didn’t say that she loves him? This always made him critisize himself. He used to blame himself that he might be lacking somewhere. At times he used to think about the possibilities for the fact that she neved said ‘I Love you’. Perhaps she felt that these are simple words to say. Perhaps other individuals throughout her life have said that they adore her, however their deeds have indicated something else. Perhaps she felt that these are easy words to say. Perhaps she felt that “Love” is excessively powerless a word, making it impossible to express what she felt for him. And Perhaps, at worst, she doesn’t love him, yet she might felt affection for him. The thoughts were endless.
Well, whether it was love or friendship, he was filled with exquisite happiness because of her until the day he got to know about her wedding. He always knew that they will not be able to live together forever. He was ready for everything, still the moment she told her about the man she is going to get married, he felt helpless. Its easy to get ready for the worst situation, but when it actually happens, it becomes difficult to even breath. Deep inside she too felt for him, but she knew that her family won’t accept him because of many reasons. They were not from the same community and for their families it was a big deal. Moreover, he was not settled. He was working for a good firm, but his income was not lucrative enough. And most importantly she feared to face her family, if she tells them about him. Probably, that is why she didn’t tell that she loves him. Well, reasons could have been any, the truth was that she was getting married and he was in a dilemma. He didn’t know what to do. She promised him to be with him even after her wedding. After all he was her closest friend. She asked him to give a promise to not to cry or be sad after her wedding and he gave his words. It was going to be difficult and finally it was the day, he didn’t want to attend the wedding of his love. Still he went for her happiness and the time when she was about to take vows of wedding around the fire, he left. He wasn’t that strong to see that.
Standing aside the road, he was still looking at that picture. He was not able to resist himself to send her a message. He opened WhatsApp and started typing ‘There was a time when I couldn’t take my eyes off you. And today when you looked so pretty. I looked at you with wistful eyes. It’s time for me to leave, this feeling at the time of separation, is not what I wanted. It is not what I want to even think of, but the thought remains and hurts and most likely, will stay. It’s amazing that how time creates a bond so strong that even when you don’t want to see someone ever again, you can’t stop yourself from missing them. It is not that I am not happy for you. I really am and I wish you all the best for your life ahead. May you stay happy always. Take care. I love you.’ and he sent it. After sending the text with emotions, he felt foolish and he was worried too. He thought he made a big mistake. She must have completed all the wedding rituals. What if someone else read this message, these thoughts haunted him until, after an hour, he got a reply from her. ‘Thank you for praising me even though I was not worth these compliments. Thank you for being with me through out. You have been more than a friend to me and I will cherish the time we spent together. And yes, remember my promise? No tears in your eyes and I just want to see you smile. Love you. Catch you later.’ Even though he was about to cry, he stopped himself, He was dying inside, but he kept his words and smiled. After all it was his promise to her. After all he knew that love is not always to get, but to give. After all this is the beauty of love. After all love is really powerful and all we need is love. Though he really wanted her to say ‘I love you’ to him at least once, but she never did. Not even in her last message. He loved her deeply and maybe she loved him too, but she never said ‘I LOVE YOU’.